I guess you can call it an epiphany…today, after looking at a picture I took of my child, after her choir performance…I went back to my beginnings in the United States. I’ve come far…very far! Nothing has been perfect, it has been a plentiful life, filled of sacrifices. Sacrifices I made on my own, decisions I made on my own, all thinking about my children. The moment I found out someone was growing inside of me, I stop being a woman, and I became a mother. Some people may criticize my decision, and I understand why, and I accept the criticism. I never said my decisions were the right ones, but, good or bad, I own them because I made them.
From been a super scare soldier in a country that spoke another language to the one I knew, to becoming a police officer, to assisting battered woman at a shelter…to investigating healthcare professionals…to becoming a Program Coordinator…then back to a simple office job, where I was just the help (where I met people I treasure deep in my heart), to working with abused children and now in another state as a customer service rep. Not the most glamorous career, but its me, it’s what I have done…I have not stop…I continue pushing forward…I still hope I can obtain a position where I can apply my investigative background, what I actually love. Nothing to be embarrassed about, but if you read the career description, you’ll see how instead of moving up the ladder I’ve taken a few steps backward. People may ask why? The answer is…I am a mother first…and all the jobs that I love, that I would’ve succeed at required me to spend enormous amounts of time away from my children, from my family.
When I look at the picture of my girl standing next to me…with a smile…doing what she loves…it hit me like a brick. I’ve done good, I’ve been present, I’ve been a good mom. Now, as they get older, and push me to the side to become their own individuals…I realize…now it’s my time! At 42, I will be competing with young, newly college graduates for positions with a higher pay scale and with more responsibilities. Now, I am going after a new dream, a new goal, I am searching for the new me…the me that will be in charge of her own destiny. It’s a sense of peace, to know that all my tears, all my frustrations, all my wants, all my goals and dreams were set aside to mother my babies, to love them, to help them become great teenagers, in hopes that one day they will be amazing citizens of this amazing land we call home.