When dreams don’t come true…

When dreams don’t come true, we feel like giving up. We feel like a failure, like a dummy that did not push hard enough to make it to the next level. Often times we find ourselves thinking about our dreams, our goals, and those things we always dreamt about. Dreams can come true; however, they do not come true with a magic wand. Dreams required hard work and dedication. Dreams required the will power to overcome all the obstacles life is going to throw at you.

As a young girl, I always dream of becoming an attorney. I was, well I should say, I am a very argumentative person. I like an argument for the sake to argue. Healthy arguments can teach us life lessons; the key to a healthy argument is to be passionate enough to understand when you are wrong and let go. I grew older, completed my 4-year degree and rush into taking the LSAT (Law School Admission Test). I was nervous; I am not going to lie about that. I took the test; in the mean time I was having trouble with my 4.5 year’s fiancé. I was heart-broken when we broke up; well he dumped me to tell you the truth! Months passed and I was still waiting to get the results of the LSAT. Then one day, I think it was either June or July 1998, I received the results. It’s been two-months since I broke up with my then fiancé, so, I was so happy and confused about the results I decided to call him to give him the news. Well, his mother answered the phone…and she was in shock when she heard my voice. I asked what was going on; I asked if I could speak with him…and she sadly gave me the news…he got married yesterday. My whole world collapsed! To make a long story short, I decided to take the ASVAB…I needed out of the island ASAP!!! I did well enough in the ASVAB and I knew for certain I could sign up for the ARMY. Let me back track a little…as soon as I got my results, I applied to various universities in Puerto Rico and in Arizona. OK, back to the ARMY thing…it was already the summer of 1999 and had not heard from any universities. So, I signed up for three active years with the ARMY and 5 Reserve. I left PR in November 11, 1999. Ironically, while in Basic Training, I received a letter from the Arizona State University saying that they were interested…it was a little too late…I had already signed the next few years of my life to Uncle Sam. That dream I dream about all my life…slipped through my fingers leaving a sour taste in my mouth.

Years passed…and in 2011…out of the blue I decided to take the ASVAB again…this time I was not even interested in becoming a Lawyer anymore. You see, by then, I have dealt with attorneys during my time with Probation and Parole and with the Department of Labor and of course the Police Department and knowing how dirty and unethical some of them can be was a big turn off for me. I did not do well enough to apply to any law schools, neither did I have the money or the time to devote to school again…my children were and will be my number one priority. Not a dream anymore!

All this years I’ve been feeling that even though I’ve done pretty cool things with my life, I have not giving it 100%. I want my next dream, my next adventure to be one that I can commit to 100%. The kids are old enough that they should not need their mother as much as they did when they were little. I should be able to come up with new dreams and commit to give it my all. The problem is that at age 40…I find myself not having any dreams…I gave myself to motherhood and wife duties, that I don’t even know where or how to start living again.

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