Today has been an “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”, kind of day. No need to write about what made the day so bad…is pointless. I think what is worth writing is that no matter how low I felt today, I did not allow the tears to roll down my cheeks. As I type this, I realized that the only reason I did not allow myself to cry, was because I was (am) afraid that I will not be able to stop.
I am trying to keep my head held high, I am trying to believe that everything is OK, and that at the end, things will work out great. I have good days and not so good days. When the weather decides to bring snow, ice and cold to my neighborhood, those “not so good days” turn into “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days”. This week, we got more winter weather…and I have had enough! I hate it!
Since I gave in, and allowed the weather to make me have the crappiest day ever…I might as well write about it. My day was the worst day I have had in a very, very long time. I wanted to be left alone (kind of hard to do when every family member was in the house). I did not want to see, hear, or smell anybody. I turned into a wicked witch, like a Grinch, like a horrible person…and its 1:29 in the morning and I still feel like a wicked witch. I have been trying to come up with ideas, in my head, of things I can do tomorrow….well in a couple of hours…to entertain myself, to get my out of the house, to smile and laugh…and I keep coming up empty….no ideas.
I need some suggestions ASAP…the fact that I am in a new place, do not really know anyone, I am unemployed…does not help.
I find myself missing some of the things I used to do with some friends in SC. Like having a ladies night out, a couple of drinks at Wild Wings, then a little shopping and a lot of laughter. I miss knowing people at the grocery store. I miss bumping into people at Best Buy, I miss the kids friends. I miss a lot of things. I feel like I am not living…I am just existing. I am someone’s wife and someone’s mom…that is all I am. That was not my dream. I had bigger dreams…I cannot find myself, the old me, the me that I love…I do not know how to find her….enough…I don’t feel like writing anymore…my thoughts are going everywhere…by