Summer 1999

Technically the last summer I spent in my island with my dad, was the summer of 1999.  I remember the day I told him I was leaving, that I had sign for the ARMY.  He looked at me, with a sad/proud look, typicall of my dad.  I always gave him mixed emotions.  We were identical!  I could finish his sentences and he could finish mine.  That day, I know, I broke his heart beyond repair.

Today I look back, because for some weird reason I’ve been thinking about him all day, and I can’t help but think that the separation between my daddy and I was God sent.  It was that way, because I cannot imagine been close to him, seeing him every day and then all of the sudden loosing him to cancer.  You see, God prepared us, God send me away.  Although I talked to my dad more than two-three times a week…reality is…I did not see him every day…so when I lost him in 2003,  I was already used to not seeing him physically…so what I miss is his voice, his advice when I am troubled, his laughter, his giggles on the phone, our internal jokes, those are the things I miss about him.
The last summer with my dad was uneventful.  We did the same things we always did. I mean I was what, 24 years old…so I was doing what a typical 24 year old woman does 🙂 and he was doing what a typical retired man does…and we knew we had each other…that we were just a phone call away…a few minutes away…a couple of miles down the road.

My father was a very strict man when I was growing up.  However, when I turned 16, he started allowing some kind of freedom.  I followed his rules, and as a typical daddy’s girl I won him over and after dad…I got away with everything 🙂  He laughed!  He lived adventured through my adventures.  Often times he told me I was crazy, and that he loved that about me.  He always told me that I needed to be an independent woman, that I was not going to depend on any man.  That I was to be strong, that noone would tell me what to do or not do.  That I would always treat others with respect and demand repect from others.  Well, I think so far I have done my father proud.

I wonder, if I could see him again…for just a few minutes…What would I say? What would I do? I would asked him to forgive me for not been there by his bed when he passed.  I would thanked him for making me the strong woman that I am. I would tell him that his little girl still needs him.  I would tell him that I miss our phone calls, our conversations and our fights.  I would tell him that he was the best father a daughter could ever have, that he left too soon, but that the time he was able to give his children was appreciated and well invested.  I would hold him, I would stare him in the eye…I would not let him go.

Some people believe that we would see our loved ones in Heaven.  Who knows if that is true.  I sure hope that his memories stay.  I sure hope that his presence does not fade away.  I love you daddy.  You left to soon.  I know you can read this from Heaven…don’t cry…it’s OK…I am OK…after all…you made me strong…I am not saying good bye…I’m just saying….till I see you again ….TE AMO PAPA!!!

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