Becoming a mother was sudden, shocking, and amazing. There was no book with instructions, and the one and the only person who helped dad and mom were grandma…and she was only able to do it for a month. After 30 days of unconditional assistance and guidance, it was just the three of us…and soon to be 4.
From the second my eyes met theirs, they own me. Life as it was, was over. I was a devoted mother, I loved and continue to love my children unconditionally. The first 13 years of my children’s life I was all that mattered to them, I was busy 24/7 with them. Whether it was school work, sports, fun activities, dinners, doctor’s visits…you name it…life was all about the children. It became my reality…then, all of a sudden it stopped.
The children became teenagers…and slowly but surely they needed me less…my opinion was unwanted…my intelligence was questioned…I was an embarrassment at times…and I was not needed in any way, shape, or form. Oh, I was also very, very dramatic…I was not, I stop existing in their world. They always love me…always…the hugs are less, kisses are not-existant…and spending time together is not a THING, anymore.
That was my own doing! I made the decision to live just for my children. I have no regrets, but there is a lot of pain along the way to were we are now. Is like walking on pins and needles all the time, is almost like a stranger moved into your home. It questions who you are!!!! Who are you? Who am I? The struggle to answer that question is my everyday. Learning to survive, feeling all alone and empty.
If I could give some advice to all the new mommies to be, it would be…never stop living life…just learn to share some of your space with that little bundle of you growing in your tummy. Never stop laughing, never stop going out, never stop dedicating time just to yourself, never stop befriending people…allow yourself to continue being a human…a person, a woman…never ever give up your womanhood and your self-awareness and happiness just because you are a mom.
Being a mother is a blessing, the best thing that ever happened to me. My children are my pride and joy, my everything. They are just teenagers…and teenage years last quite a bit! It was my own doing who got me where am at…at this time in life…one can only do the best possible, take it day by day, remain silent (as much as possible)…and wait for the children to come back. They will come back…but it takes time. Teenager-hood is an amazing maze, a place where all things happen and/or nothing at all…a discovery place that empowers the young and crushes the old…one must learn to survive. Again, my children are my world…and I would not have it any other way…but if I could give a mommy to be some advise…NEVER STOP DOING YOU!
Latin Mama in the South