Missing my father…some people will criticize what I am about to write, and that is perfectly fine, no one knew the relationship I had with my dad, only I did. It’s normal to have a bond with both of your parents, or even with one of your parents. I love both of my parents dearly, however, I did have a special bond with my father.
My daddy was the first man I ever loved, he was the one who taught me how to be strong, how to go after my dreams, and how to treat others just like I wanted to be treated. He was a handful, he was not perfect, he hurt many people. But for me, he was my rock, my confidant, my best friend. We would talk for hours, laugh, hug, fuss, argue, and love…and then start the cycle all over again.
He passed, 13 years ago, he lost his battle with cancer. Once he was diagnosed, he only lasted 38 days…I was not there when he passed. I was lucky enough to say goodbye, but I will never forgive myself for not being by his side when he took his last breath. I can only imagine the heartache it brought to my grandmother, to my mom, and to my brothers. I was not there…I left him all alone.
I managed to talk to him on the phone a couple of days before his passing…well, I manage to hear his voice, during our last call, he was not coherent enough to carry a conversation, hearing his voice, his breathing over the phone was satisfying enough. I will never know how he spent his last days, my family love me too much to give me the details straight up. They rather sugar-coat what happen to keep me from hurting even more.
One would think that time heals, well, I won’t call it that. I will say that times allows you to mourn peacefully. Time has a way of calming your pain, of easing your suffering, and giving you hope. My hope is that I get to see him again, one day, in Heaven. Just the thought of seeing his smile, his big brown eyes, the thought of hearing his laughter…makes me smile BIG.
I love you daddy, I miss you, I know you miss me too. Mom, Omar and Javier all miss you. We did not have enough time together, we did not properly say good-bye. I lost my best friend, my 1st love, my confidant, but I still have all the things you taught me dad, and with that, I keep you alive in my heart. Till we meet again…te amo papi!!!!by