This past weekend, I was riding with my husband, actually coming home from getting our son a couple of items he needs for baseball, when my husband reminded me that I have no purpose in life. I knew exactly what he meant by that statement, however, it made me think about it a little bit more. There was a little silence, and finally I replied… “You are so right!, I just don’t know what to do about it”.
You see, for the last 15 years I have been such a devoted mother…now that my children THINK they do not need me, I don’t know what to do with myself. I have no idea! When I am not at work, (I only work part-time) I am home and I find myself bored as heck. If I am out and about (pretending to be busy) I am still bored as heck.
The biggest problem I have, is that I do not know how to be a “lesser” mom, how to not want to help my children pick up their outfits, chose what snack, breakfast, lunch, dinner they want to eat, I mean everything. Reality is, that, they do not need me as much as they did before. Now I am just their taxi driver and their bank debit/credit card.
It is perfectly normal, I am just having the hardest time dealing with it. I know they love me, and I know they are thankful for all the things that I have done for them throughout the years. The problem is, I am not happy, I am struggling to become a happy ME again, I don’t know where to start or where to go or who to ask for help.
Reinventing myself is nothing new to me…I decided to support my husband’s professional career and that meant sacrificing mine. I’ve held many, many jobs in the past. From being a soldier, to a police officer, to a case manager at DSS, to customer service…I’ve done it all…and I am sort of OK with that…because it was my decision. Now, How do I start living my life again, when, for the last 15 years I have only lived for my kids? That is the question I need to answer…and I need to find that answer pretty soon….
So…it is a work in progress…positive suggestions are welcome.by