Today, I woke up to my husband packing up his bag, yes, another business trip. I don’t get upset, I just miss him dearly. I miss his presence in the house. Sometimes we don’t even talk much, we just share the same space and we are content. Is like…his space feels my space in a very comfortable way. He will be back soon, is just a couple of days, I will be so busy with the kids, I would not miss him much until night-time.
I remember when we spent our first nights together, I was so uncomfortable. I was not used to sleeping with someone beside me. It’s a cultural thing, I mean in PR (back in the day) you lived at your parents house till the day you walked to the altar to say your “I Do’s”. So, having him next to me, the first couple of weeks was very uncomfortable. Now, I miss him when he is not next to me in our bed. I struggle falling asleep, he finds that funny now.
It never ceases to surprise me how we, as humans, create a dependability in another human, yeah I know there is love involved, but is also the “habit”…after years being together, he is what is “familiar” to me. I just miss him when he is gone…I thinks is sweet, that after 15 years together, we are as comfortable as we have ever been with each other. Blessed to call him my husband.
Lately I’ve been uneasy about the future. Changes are coming, again, and the wait is more nerve wrecking than I anticipated. I rely on my Lord for the strength, the strength to make the right decisions; decisions considering every family member want and need. Do we stay in Mississippi, do we move back to South Carolina, do we try a new place. Adventure is something I thrive on, but the rest of the family do not.
To think that I decided to end my military career because I wanted the children to have stability…yet…that is exactly what we have been doing…moving from place to place. Bittersweet because we have been blessed with employment and health and the capacity to adapt to different situations. But when I think about home, I think about South Carolina. When I think about adventure, I think about any place close to the ocean.
At the end of the day, it’s going to come down to the job. Whether my husband gets an offer from his current employer or whether he tries something different. Again, either way is going to be a difficult decision, it’s going to come down to both of us, as adults, making decisions again. I am not getting any younger, I am at the point where I want to settle, settle for good. At this time, all we can do is pray, pray hard. Ask God for peace in our hearts, ask God for help, help dealing with all the stressful times ahead. We ask the Lord to continue blessing this family with health and employment.
I believe in faith, as a matter of fact, I was chatting with a friend the other day and the message was “have faith”…and those powerful words is what keep me moving forward, waiting patiently, even when I am having a bad day, even when I can’t sleep at night. Faith. I also have a strong believe in my husbands capacity to provide for our family and in our children’s understanding that things are about to change, once again. So, prayers welcome…